Whatever Wednesday is here and with all this talk about fashion, hats & shoes, I probably have no male readers left. So sorry.
In apology, this article is just for you - the men - out there.
I know you think we women are impossible to figure out, so I’m going to give you some extremely valuable tips.
More valuable than tax tips.
These are the equivalent to share-a-cell-with-Martha-Stewart insider trading tips:
1. Everything in a trash bag is not trash.
Yes, I know it’s a bag of clothes in a trash bag. Does not mean it’s trash. We use trash bags for lots of things. Trash is simply one of them. If it’s not in a trash can, do not take the initiative to throw it out. (Or worse – burn it!)
The guest book from my wedding went missing this way. You can tell me you attended and I’ll believe it.
2. Don’t make me buy my own gifts.
“Here’s $50. Go get yourself something nice for your birthday.” Not a gift.
$50 visa card – is a gift.
3. Invite me.
I don’t care if you’re 99.99999999999998% sure I don’t want to go to your office Christmas/Retirement/Whatever party, you need to invite me. Period. Because then we wives get asked, “Why didn’t you come to…?” then feel extremely stupid when we get that “Oh-he-didn’t-tell-you” look perfected by the Desperate Housewives generation. Trust me.
Let me ‘splain something. (Ala
Her Mind His Mind
You didn’t tell me. I’m not going to tell her.
Because you didn’t want me there. Because she hates my boss
You must be ashamed of me. And I don’t want her to feel obligated.
I know – total opposites, but like I said these are insider tips. Take notes!
4. “Time off” to get groceries is an oxy moron.
This has to be one of my favorites. A night off does not include trekking to 4 separate stores and bargain hunting for the cheapest ketchup. If you want to eat and you want to save money, we (usually) must do the grocery shopping.
If you want to stay married, women need a night or two “off” every once in a while without having to do anything domestic. So never say, “Honey, take the night off. I’ll watch the kids….we really need groceries.” Try something like, "haven't you been wanting to see that new Chick Flick? You should call your friends and go. I can put the kids to bed."
You won't be sorry. Trust me.
5. Just pick a place to eat!!!
When chaos strikes and Mother’s Days across town are ruined and you have to make up for it and pull off an amazing dinner – pick the restaurant!
Please, if I am craving Outback’s Cajun jumbo shrimp over fettuccine in a garlic cream sauce (aren’t you hungry?), I will tell you. Otherwise. Plan it. Pick it. I don’t want to do the “I don’t care.” game all night.
We hate finally picking a Mexican restaurant and you saying, “Awww…I kinda wanted a buffet.”
Visa gift card – bonus points.
Complaining about our restaurant – negative points.
Hopefully, this is all clear as mud for you!
Mr. DDA Warning: This post is entirely fictional. Any representation that could be mistaken for any person known or unknown is entirely coincidental.
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