My Favorite Movie Ever

They wrote a movie about my life.

You didn’t know that?

I’m surprised it hasn’t come up here before.

Yes, I’m famous; I try to keep it quiet.

But yes, a movie was written entirely about my life.  Well, maybe it was based on my life.

Sweet Home Alabama

  

Ok, so I’m not from Alabama.  (I told you, it was a loose translation.)

If you have lived in a dark, deep hole and never, ever seen this movie – first, you must immediately stream it.  (Or search for it on your program guide.  It comes on USA, TNT, or CMT at least once a week.) 

The synopsis of the movie is as follows (from Newegg)  Melanie Carmichael, a rising New York clothing designer suddenly finds herself engaged to the city's most eligible bachelor. But this is no fairy tale romance for Melanie. She has skeletons in her fashion-filled closet that include Jake -- the backwoods husband she married in high school who refuses to divorce her. Determined to end their marriage and sever all ties with her past once and for all, Melanie returns to Alabama. But home starts to tug at her heartstrings, and what she thought she wanted may not be what she wants at all.

Again – loose translation – work with me here.

During the movie you fall in love with both of Melanie’s parents (Earl & Pearl Smooter) both her husband (Jake Perry) and fiancée (Andrew Hennings), and her friends.  And the movie is filled with classic one liners from the Southern dictionary. 

I will translate some of the classics for you.

·         Earl Smooter (her father):  “C’mon, let’s not let all that bought air out.”      Means “Shut the door.  We paid to cool or heat this house.” 

·         Melanie walking through a civil war battlefield, “Anybody seen Earl Smooter?”  Random soldier perks up from playing dead, “He’s about to surrender!!!”  Now this has a special place in my heart.  See, every weekend from June through October my family packed up and went to some random Civil War battlefield to watch my father and his friends play dress up.  (Well, that is basically what it is.)  They would reenact Civil War battles.  And every weekend we would go, camp out, wear the dresses, hoop skirts, the whole deal. 

·          “You look tired.  Are you tired?  Maybe it’s just the way you’re wearing your hair now.”  Pearl Smooter (the mother) to Melanie when she arrives home for the first time in five years!  Ok – so even if the movie was a stretch, I know this character was based on my mother.  I had a horrible, awful, terrible, very bad hair cut my sophomore year in college.  I came home sobbing.  And my mother looks at me and says, “You look awful.”  Yeah – thanks, Mom.  Knew that.

·          “Well, aren’t you a big, fat liar?”  Spoken by Bobby Ray (a friend) to Melanie.  My personal favorite that I use daily.

·         “People need a passport to come down here.”  Spoken by Melanie.  Um…in some parts of the South, yes.

·         “You’ve got a baby…in a bar.” I’ve actually said those words.  No lie.

·         “You can’t ride two horses with one [BEEP}, sugarbean.” Earl Smooter to Melanie when she was trying to decide between Jake (the ex-husband) and Andrew (the fiancée.)  Means you can’t have it both ways.  I believe those were my father’s exact words to me when I had a big decision to make in college.

There are a handful of other one liners that are a part of my repertoire that I probably can’t put on here.  J 

At the heart of the movie is the same struggle a lot of us face.  We want more & better for our lives but love our home, what we know, and what we are.  I remember too well how it felt to be torn between men, places, and goals. 

And I have to say Melanie & I picked the same paths.

In the end.

But I don't wanna spoil it for you...so all I'm gonna say is...

Yes, the movie is a loose translation of my life. 

You should know that. 

You dumb, stubborn, redneck, hick.

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean you...you'd have to see the movie to get it.

So seriously, what are you waiting for?