The Ghost Whisperer

I'm the ghost whisperer.

credit

Actually, I have no idea what that is.  Never seen the show.  I wouldn't mind looking like Jennifer Love Hewitt.  Even during her so-called "fat period" when she wore maybe a size 6.

I digress...

Anyhow, from my wiki search of it, she talks to dead people and helps them cross over.  Ok.  I don't talk to dead people and I sometimes have panic attacks on a long bridge.  (Or in tunnels - really bad in tunnels.  So bad that I will drive 45 minutes out of the way before I will go in Big Walker Mountain tunner.  Norfolk, Baltimore...don't even try getting me through there without a Xanax.)

Again, I digress...

So I guess, I'm not much of a ghost whisperer.  Maybe I'm the tax whisperer.  Or the money whisperer.  Neither is a very catchy title for my new tv show.

Ever since I was in high school, people shared things with me and I had no idea why.  I knew some of the deepest darkest secrets of most everyone there. 

Even now, I seem to attract those who need an ear.  Even the cashier at Target...  I know way too much about her bodily functions.

In my job, people are normally instructed to speak to me as little as possible, yet, I end up knowing about their daughter's divorce, their churches decision to get new carpet, and their last visit to the acupuncturist.

Too whom much is given, much is required.  I feel honored (and occassionally completely weirded out) that people share their life-changing burdens as well as the most mundane details.  Feel free to share anything and know it stays with me and me, only. 

BUT - all I ask is that you keep these things to yourself - or at least keep them from me:

1.  Your personal sicknesses...  I really don't need to know about your latest UTI, cashier at Target.  Or how soda makes you feel bloated.  I really just want my coupons not to beep and get out of there.

2.  Your position on how I spend my money.  If you ask me my opinion.  I'll give it to you.  If you don't, I won't.  If I have worked, have earned, and can afford something nice and I get it, I really don't want to hear from you on why I shouldn't have bought it.  Now, if I follow my "I got it" statement with whining about how I'm going to pay for groceries, feel free to let me have it.

3.  Your private techniques.  I don't think I need to explain further, but really, if it's about a private moment - KEEP IT PRIVATE.  I really, really, REALLY, don't want to know.

I was trying to alliterate with P's.  I know you appreciate that...

Other than that, I'm game.  You can tell me anything. 

But those three things, just tell dead people.  They care; they told me.