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| Our Mess of a Baby Girl |
Not treating Hannah is not an option - not really. She'll develop a limp before she's 10 and have arthritis by the time she's 20. So no, we cannot do that to her.
The doctor wants to do something called a "closed reduction" where basically Hannah will go into the OR under anesthesia and they will manually force her hips in place. I know...it hurt even describing it. She will then be placed in a body cast for 3 months. (If you want to google it - it's called a Spica cast.)
The doctor is almost positive that Hannah's right leg will move in the correct place. She is not positive about the left.
If the left does not go in place, then they will immediately do surgery and basically cut her open from hip to mid-thigh and force it in place that way. So we actually won't know what is happening, till it's over. Which as a nerd, I hate not knowing and being able to plan.
Either way - we will be dealing with an immobile little girl for 3 months.
As you can imagine, we're still processing all of it. I know it's not cancer. I know it's not Downs, or autism. It's curable. I don't need reason at this moment. My head knows what's right. But my mommy heart hurts.
I look at a little girl who on the outside seems perfect but walks a teeny bit funny. And she's so happy. And she trusts me to keep her safe and from pain. And I have to hand her over to a doctor and know that when she comes back to me she'll be "worse" than when she left me. And there's no way I can warn her. She won't understand.
It's not the surgery that scares me. It's the fact that she won't be able to swim this summer. There will be no playing in the playhouse. No swinging outside. No pushing her favorite stroller around. No toddling around the house and getting her favorite thing ever - fruit snacks. I will have an infant with the mind of a 2 year old. Who knows what it was like to free and doesn't know why Mommy did this to her.
Sounds incredibly selfish. It's me that I'm worried about. Is she going to hate me? Does this mean no one will want to watch her? Will I be on duty 24/7 plus trying to work, plus trying to manage 2 other kids?
I wish I was handling this better, but I promised you one day 1 of this journey I wouldn't lie. I'm a hot mess.
Everyone has been so supportive. And everyone asks what they can do. This is what we need:
1. Pray for Hannah - first and foremost. Pray she responds well. That she doesn't fight it too much. I'm prepared for the day of and after the casting to be absolute H - E - double hockeysticks. So if it's not, that would be a great relief.
2. Pray for no surgery. While it won't change the body cast dilemma, it would be one less worry on our mind. No wound to have to fret over. And lastly, no scar.
3. Pray for us. I'm good one moment and terrible the next. I might need to refill my prescription for Xanax. :) Mr. DDA - is being all tough about it, but between you & me (and the 6 billion people out there on the Internet) I think he's a teeny bit worried & upset over it. If I can't get Xanax, I'm sure a new pair of LK Bennett shoes will have the same effect.
I know some of you out there have much bigger worries to deal with. And like I said, my head knows there are thousands of moms who would trade places with me. I'll promise not to overwhelm this blog with poor, poor me updates and get back to money topics soon.
Thank you all for your support & encouragement. When you message me or text me or Facebook me, I appreciate every single one of them.
Now, enough crying for today...it's my first day off on my new schedule and I'm going to enjoy it.
Prayers for all of you! Happy to help anyway I can . She is on great hands.
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