The Cost of Borrowing

A couple years ago, right in the middle of our debt-free journey, we got the exciting news I was pregnant with baby #2.  We were thrilled, but as the due date inched closer and closer, I began having panic attacks.  How were we going to afford 2 daycare payments?  2 sets of diapers?  Formula?  Forget that - how were we even going to get through maternity leave?

Less than 2 weeks before baby #2 arrived, we got a loan, no, I'll say it, a handout, from a family member.  It was amazing and heartbreaking at the same time.  It wasn't much - it was just the perfect amount. 

And although we assured them we would pay it back, they assured us that they would refuse it.

But here we are 3 years later and I still think about it..  I still feel guilty over it. 

You know how you feel when you hear about people who run up a credit card on a lavish vacation, then whine about paying off until someone (usually related) pays it off for them?  That was me!  (Well, except for the lavish vacation part)

I hear about those people now and it makes me sick.  You don't learn anything that way.  You don't feel the pain. 

Although that amount didn't fully pay off our debt, it took some of it away.  Consider that local anesthesia.  :)

Money comes with price.  Sounds kinda stupid, but it's so true.

Borrowed money doesn't get you out of debt.  It may pay off your debt, but you always have a debt.












On a lighter note, over the weekend, DDA celebrated it's birthday!

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Here's to another year of bean counting, debt dumping, and shoe scouring!!!

What Comes Next?

It's been almost one year since we've become debt free.  It's been a fun year no doubt, with I'm sure more fun to come.  Has it been exhilarating? 

No.

Shocked? 

Me too.

You think that once you become debt-free you'll have all this crazy money.  At least I did.  I pictured something like this:

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I thought we'd bathe in money.  Pay for everyone's dinner, take great vacations, dress our kids in the finest character clothing imported straight from the Magic Kingdom...

And yes, we do have more money.  But not crazy, stupid money. 

So my question to Dave Ramsey, Suze, Gail, Clark - all the financial DEBT FREE guru's out there is this, "What's next?"

Do I live on rice & beans till I save up my 6 month emergency fund?

Are we allowed to eat out?

How many pairs of shoes can I buy before it's just ridiculous?  (ha ha - notice I don't ask, "Can I buy shoes?")

Can I add to my grocery budget?

Because right now, our spending is (almost) the exact same it was before we were debt free.  Our grocery budget is the same.  Our dining out is the same.  Our gas budget is the same.  (Don't ask me how.) 

I still freak out when the "oil change" my van went in for, costs us $256 because this, this, and that were broke.  When can I not freak out?  (To be honest, I think 50% of the freak out reflex is just my personality.  We could be millionaires and I'd still freak out.)

No one tells you what comes next.  You've programmed your brain in this super tight mentality and it's hard to reprogram it. 

Maybe that'll be my niche.  I'll make my millions doing tv, radio, books & seminars on What Comes After Debt.  And Dave, Suze, Gail, or Clark - I'll let one of you write the forward to my book so you're not forgotten about when I surpass you in popularity. 

Maybe I'll even get my own app!

Opree Calls it Multee-Taskin

Now that the Christmas season is past us, I'm determined to get back to blogging more.  I enjoyed it and I missed it.  But if it comes down to blogging for 15 minutes and sleep - I choose sleep!

As we've talked about before, my life is eerily similar to Sweet Home Alabama.  So much so that my sister & I have have entire conversations just using phrases from that movie.  As I sit here trying to keep one eye on the BCS National Championship and attempting to type, it brings to mind the words of the great Pearl Smooter, "Oprah calls it multi-tasking."  Yes, I am multi-tasking.

So, you know that I have three kids.  A 4 year old, a 2 year old, & a 1 year old.  Here is a recent family picture:



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I work full time at a crazy, incredibly high-stress job that I strangely enjoy.  You know that I have a part-time husband.  Meaning he's here only part of the time thanks to his crazy, high stress job that he strangely enjoys.

You know that I go to church three times a week.  No?  Well, I do.  I go to church a lot.  Don't tell anyone, but sometimes I sit back and dream that I turned into a Sunday Morning Christian.  But I then my inner Jiminy Cricket takes over.  (Mine sounds like my grandma, Nanny.) 

Some of you also know we are trying to sell our house. 

This is all a recipe for disaster.

I need to be on medication - a lot of it.  Preferably, not prescribed by Conrad Murray.

Before we had three kids, crazy jobs, a house on the market, etc... we were broke. Probably because we loved to eat out. 

I mean LOVED. 

I can probably attribute at least 20 of my pounds to Olive Garden's pasta & breadsticks.  (My genealogy says I'm German & Norwegian, but I know an Italian had to be snuck in there somewhere.)

I can tell an Outback steak just by its smell.

Since our life has become a whirlwind of days, we eat out much less.  Like never.  We will occasionally go to the very loud Mexican restaurant with another family who lives almost as crazy a life as we do, but that's only usually once every two months or so.

See, when you have kids, going out isn't fun.  You spend the entire time begging the waitress to bring you a spoon so you can feed the baby, while using your other hand to force feed your three year old his $5 grilled cheese.  By the time you get to your dinner, the bread is hard, the steak is cold, and your other kid spilt milk all in your french fries.

Staying home, inviting friends over is so much calmer and way more enjoyable and, I've discovered, so much easier on the budget.  So, I've decided I'm going to try that a lot more this year. 

Save money and sanity.  "Oprah calls that multi-tasking."

Happy New Year

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New Year's Eve is always bittersweet for me.  Now that I have kids, I mark each passing year with a bit of sadness at the fact they'll never be these ages again...yada, yada.

But I always look forward to what the new year holds.  Trips are already in the works for next year.  Only 359 days left till Christmas!  2012 is going to be great!

Some people don't make resolutions.  I'm a geek.  I make new ones every year. 

Last year, I made three.

1)  Eat new foods.  This was a fun one that I will be repeating.
2)  Become debt free.  Check.  January 14, 2011 we became weird.  One of the greatest days of my life.
3)  Lose one dress size.  No comment.  :)

As I go into next year, I am still making goals.  Buy fewer shoes.  ;)  (Then again, maybe not.)  Save more.  (If we could ever get our heat pump to act right for more than 6 weeks this may be possible.)  Give more.  Still lose that dress size. 

You have to have goals.  I hear Dave Ramsey say it all the time, "A goal with no deadline is just an ambition.  A goal must have a date."  And that's what's great about the new year.  Setting goals

So what is your, "By this time next year   ____________________________"

If nothing else, we can be thankful we are here to ring in the new year.  For me, everyone I hold dearest is here to celebrate with me.  That counts as success to me.

Happy New Year everyone! 

Be safe tonight!

Are These Checks Separate?

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This is my favorite question at a restaurant.  Sometimes, it’s easy.  Other times, it can be awkward. 

When Mr. DDA and I go out on a date, we never get asked this question.  However, if we go out to lunch while he’s in uniform, we get asked the question almost every time.  Like a cop never takes his wife out or something…

I recently heard about a couple who was planning a vacation and I heard the wife say that she had to pay her husband back for her plane ticket.  When you’re married, it’s no longer his money and her money – it’s their money.    I’m a firm believer in this.  I don’t believe married people should have separate finances.

I can’t imagine having to bicker over who has to fill up the tank with gas, who has to buy the groceries, having to buy separate movie tickets.  Marriage isn’t about being fair. Marriage is about combining your lives.

Now, sometimes I understand there are outside circumstances.  Such as trust issues or financial infidelity. But 99.99% of all functional marriages, should combine their income. 

There should be one account that both checks go into and one account that all the checks are written out of. 

While Mr. DDA and I each have our own separate “fun” money, but we have one budget.  He doesn’t pay some of the bills with his check.  We pay them all. 

On the same note, there should be one debt.  Even if you had $0 debt when you were married and your spouse was up to their eyeballs in it – it’s now shared.  Money can go so much further when combined.  And burdens can be so much lighter when shared.

You’re one.  According to God, the law, and the government – you are one entity.   

As in the words of Melanie Smooter Carmichael (aka me,) “But honey, I thought you said, it’s our money.”

They Found the Words

Just in case you haven't seen it, there is an amazing post here that express all the things I couldn't.

There Are No Words

I have this thing on my blog that tells me where my readers are from.  Not who you are, just the city & state where the readers are from.  I love it.  I know there are people in Georgia, California, Texas, even the UK & India.  I don't know how you get here, but I love that you do.

If you don't know me, I come from a small town in the mountains.  Blacksburg, Virginia.  Home of Virginia Tech.  I grew up thinking it was a quiet town.  The town revolved around football.  Nothing much exciting happened.

My dad was a deputy for the sheriff's office.  When I was a child, he was shot in the neck, but by the grace of God (and a millimeter) he survived.  It made headlines.  I remember that day.  Even as an 8 year old.  There are images and memories that I will never forget.

I remember when I was a teenager, one of my dad's co-workers was killed in the line of duty.  I can still see him coming in and tearing the shroud off his badge and saying to my mom, "I hope I never have to wear that again!"  And then I watched the man, who I believed was made of steel, cry like a baby. 

Knowing that, I still married a cop.  Despite what they say, most days we police wives don't get up and think about them not coming home.  We just wonder how late they'll be. 

Five years ago, I got my first taste of what it's like to do the "police wife wait."  You know something is going on.  And you wait for a phone call or for a text, and you pray to God your doorbell doesn't ring.  And for the first time, I saw my husband have to put on the shroud.  For the first time, I saw him weep over losing an officer he loved.

Then, on April 16, 2007, the unthinkable happened in my small town.  Virginia Tech made headlines for all the wrong reasons.  But the Hokies are strong.  While we didn't forget, we were able to move on.

Yesterday, tragedy once again struck my little quiet town.  And a policeman's life was senselessly taken far too soon.  All I could think was, "Not again.  Not here.  Not now."

There are no words to express how I feel.  You name the feeling, and I've felt it over the last 24 hours.  There are no words to express my condolences.  We can never repay his service or his family's sacrifice.  All I know is that the only thing stronger than a policeman, is the grace that God gives his family.

To learn more about this brave officer, vist the Officer Down Memorial Page.  Virginia Tech has also set up a memorial fund for the officer or you can donate here.