The Royal Mania

In case you just climbed out of a cave in rural Africa, today is April 19.

Which is precisely 10 days away.

From what you say?  (How have you managed to avoid the news since October?)

We are exactly 10 days away from the Royal Wedding. 

A.K.A. the Wedding of the Century. 

Um.  Seriously????

Don't get me wrong....

I like Prince William. 

I like Kate Middleton. 

I’m happy their getting married. 

I will probably even set my alarm for 4 am and watch the ceremony.

But enough is enough.

In case the news channels forgot, about 235 years ago, we rebelled against the monarchy. 

And for good reason.

Did you know that it costs Britain $290 million a year to support the Royal Family? 

That’s $290,000,000

(Don’t zeros have more effect than the word “million”?)

The Queen’s salary is around $40 million. 

That’s $40,000,000.  (Technically, it’s not a salary.  It’s a “grant” but let’s not get hung up on that.)

I’m sorry.  Back that up.  Say that one more time.

The UK pays someone $40 million a year to wear diamond tiaras, bless babies, flip pancakes, and wave???? 

(PS.  She has three full-time drivers.  Three.  Let that sink in.  You can only use one driver at a time.  Two, maybe; but three?)

So, like every responsible accountant SHOULD, I googled the price of the wedding. 

Estimates are from $50 million to $100 million.  Much of that spent on security. 

$40,000 in street cleaning alone.  They had to vacuum the steps of Westminster Abbey!

I am tired of the nightly countdown.

I’m tired of seeing that same blue dress.

No, I don’t want to buy a simulated sapphire and cz knock-off, QVC.

I’m tired of my coupon inserts trying to pitch me a figurine of a person from another country!!

I’m so over the royal wedding.

That being said, I don’t want to get rid of the Royal Family. 

I mean, really. 

The world wouldn't  be the same without people who don’t know how to squeeze their own toothpaste. 

Mostly, I’m just glad I’m not paying for them!